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respectful of the giver. The first means, as Mike wrote, she “gracefully” receives — and we discussed that word and he chose it intentionally. The woman doesn’t just *gratefully* receive from him the stuff she wants – she also must *gracefully* receive the stuff he chooses to give that she doesn’t want! When Mike tells me that it bothers him if I do something, I must gracefully receive that direction, and, to the extent possible, take it for action.

The second means HIS plans and life take priority. I choose not to be a career woman, I choose to be a woman with a career. That means if he wants to move, I go. If he wants me to quit my job, I quit. My career is NOT as important as my desire to be available to him to receive as he wishes. And yes, that availability includes sexual and any other availability. When he calls for me for whatever reason, I am his to do with as he chooses. (I used to joke to friends or boyfriends, when they asked me “if I was available for something,” that, “For you? I’m available for anything. Within reason!” For Mike: I’m available, period. (If I feel uncomfortable with whatever he wanted I would respectfully let him know, and since he wants my happiness above all, he will almost always modify his request. How and why would I ever turn him down for any trivial reason?!)

And finally, respecting the giver is not always easy. When he refuses me permission to, for instance, put in hardwood floors in the bedroom, which I really, really, really want to do, I agree because I respect his decisions. By accepting my designated role as the cherished follower in our relationship, I have agreed that HE leads, HE directs, HE decides, and I (choose to) go along.


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Last-modified: 2022-02-15 (火) 22:12:26 (92d)