Now though its hopeless she doesnt long for me at all exactly a week had passed since she last went out on a date with me and was kissing me, before she was hooking up with the guy thats always liked her since school days and now they are together, its been 2 months I have had to watch this happen and it doesnt get any easier, I watch her slip further away from me. I know she loved me beyond any experience I could ever have in a another relationship, simply put every other girl will be second best, she did things that really showed she cared for me alot, she kept a book where she would write about me, and draw pictures of us together. She threw it in my face 6 months before we broke up after we had a very bad fight while I was massively intoxicated on alcohol, it signified the beginning of the end, since then things spiralled downwards, I was fully able to tell she was trying to detach herself from me. I dont wanto lose this girl, I simply cant see myself with anyone else in my whole life, she was more then I wanted since day one, brought a happiness and spark into my life, far beyond what I was aware is possible, the memories and experiences are unforgettable and simply nothing could compare. I never exactly treated her how I should have during our entire relationship, there were many things she was unhappy about, lack of communication on my behalf, me always being busy and not being able to see each other as often as she’d like too. She told me she truly didnt feel I loved her, and she thought I would be happy single. Since we broke up I have changed, the pain felt from it, is enough to realise what you really had, I call and text her everyday, barely receiving a reply or answer to my calls, I do whatever it is I can to show there is change, She still cares somewhere deep down, even while she sees her new boyfriend when she sees me she holds my hand in the moment, she even cuddled with me, but as time goes on the passion dissipates, I cant feel her longing for me anymore. I have been so empathetic to think through my wrongs and put myself in her shoes to feel how she does and I truly understand why she did everything that she did, she left me for this other guy because he isnt capable of hurting her feelings as for I was, he has had it in for her for a long time, so no chance he is gonna screw up, and I seen a guy who gets his chance like this before and he could end up with her for life, she simply feels safe with him, she is in safe mode. She looks at me and sees that I will just hurt her more and more, but I know I am able to fix her heart, and make her happy, I know we can live the rest of our lives together wonderfully, I can be the man she wants me to be, and its not for her its for me, its no burden or effort to me for this change. I have been so caring and affectionate for 2months to her but she still is unable to trust me, I do not know what it is that I must do for her to simply just accept and see that I am very different, at least to give me a small chance to let me in a bit more into her life, but while she still talks to me, it is so minimal, the distance between us is immense and painful to see when you look back and see just how close we were.

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Last-modified: 2022-09-06 (火) 21:33:18 (89d)